The Turning Fanfic comments

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kingschosen
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The Turning Fanfic comments

Post by kingschosen »

The Turning is back! Please feel free to comment.
Last edited by kingschosen on Tue Nov 02, 2010 9:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Death 999
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Re: The Turning Fanfic comments

Post by Death 999 »

James fires a pistol through the ceiling? :roll:

With one stroke, I can't take this seriously.

Also, less severely, I'd point out that an injured person is unlikely to refer to their wound as a 'hole'.
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Draxas
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Re: The Turning Fanfic comments

Post by Draxas »

Agreed about the pistol. No sane government committee would allow weapons in its chambers, and I can't imagine many politicians carrying them either, especially after ~150 years (presumably) of peacetime.

The presence of the Slylandro representative with no additional explanation is a bit jarring as well.
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kingschosen
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Re: The Turning Fanfic comments

Post by kingschosen »

Death 999 wrote:James fires a pistol through the ceiling? :roll:

With one stroke, I can't take this seriously.

Also, less severely, I'd point out that an injured person is unlikely to refer to their wound as a 'hole'.
I'll remove the shooting through the ceiling part... it was in there for slight comedic relief... obviously my comedy sucks. Also, this behavior is a little bit of foreshadowing, but I guess it is too much. I'll also change the wording on the injury.
Draxas wrote:Agreed about the pistol. No sane government committee would allow weapons in its chambers, and I can't imagine many politicians carrying them either, especially after ~150 years (presumably) of peacetime.

The presence of the Slylandro representative with no additional explanation is a bit jarring as well.
Well, he did take it from a guard, but like I said, I'll remove it.

I explained why the Slylandro are in the League in my supplemental information section in the Fan Content forum. I'll provide comprehensive supplementary information as well in the Fanfic.
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kingschosen
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Re: The Turning Fanfic comments

Post by kingschosen »

I'll post in here when I have updated.
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Lukipela
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Re: The Turning Fanfic comments

Post by Lukipela »

Adding my agreements to the gun thing. The way it's written somehow gives the impression that the alliance is meeting in a rickety shed that some guy just shot a whole in.

I'm also unclear on why the Slylandro suddenly changed their minds. And you'll have to explain their presence somehow, relying on that any reader will have first gone through your 10 threads in another subforum is a bit risky.
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Dyandod
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Re: The Turning Fanfic comments

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Lukipela wrote:Adding my agreements to the gun thing. The way it's written somehow gives the impression that the alliance is meeting in a rickety shed that some guy just shot a whole in.

I'm also unclear on why the Slylandro suddenly changed their minds. And you'll have to explain their presence somehow, relying on that any reader will have first gone through your 10 threads in another subforum is a bit risky.
I've read a couple of kingschosen's other threads, but that's all. I just read what you wrote so far in The Turning and I really liked it, but now people are talking about someone shooting a bullet through a ceiling and I'm getting confused...
KYAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!
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kingschosen
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Re: The Turning Fanfic comments

Post by kingschosen »

Dyandod wrote:
Lukipela wrote:Adding my agreements to the gun thing. The way it's written somehow gives the impression that the alliance is meeting in a rickety shed that some guy just shot a whole in.

I'm also unclear on why the Slylandro suddenly changed their minds. And you'll have to explain their presence somehow, relying on that any reader will have first gone through your 10 threads in another subforum is a bit risky.
I've read a couple of kingschosen's other threads, but that's all. I just read what you wrote so far in The Turning and I really liked it, but now people are talking about someone shooting a bullet through a ceiling and I'm getting confused...
Yeah, sorry about that. I had started The Turning Facfic ~6 months ago. I wasn't satisfied with it because it was rushed and I didn't have the time to devote to it. I killed the entire thing and started over. In short, ignore the "gun thing".
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Draxas
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Re: The Turning Fanfic comments

Post by Draxas »

This new reboot has promise. I'm looking forward to seeing where you plan to take this.
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Lukipela
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Re: The Turning Fanfic comments

Post by Lukipela »

It's Kzer-Za, otherwise quite good. Interesting vision.
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