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Re: The Turning Fanfic comments

Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 2:16 am
by Dyandod
I found it somewhat odd that the Keeper would be so willing to talk about his past. But we don't really know a whole ton about his personality yet, so perhaps it would make sense. I think it could be a bit more effective, though, if we didn't know so much so soon. I mean, I like the back-story ;D-smf but I don't know whether I want to know about it yet. :-\-smf

Overall, though, this is a really interesting story, and I love reading it!

Re: The Turning Fanfic comments

Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 5:05 pm
by kingschosen
Dyandod wrote:I found it somewhat odd that the Keeper would be so willing to talk about his past. But we don't really know a whole ton about his personality yet, so perhaps it would make sense. I think it could be a bit more effective, though, if we didn't know so much so soon. I mean, I like the back-story ;D-smf but I don't know whether I want to know about it yet. :-\-smf

Overall, though, this is a really interesting story, and I love reading it!
Heh, thanks. That was a slight oversight on my part. I thought about it, but I forgot to add it. It's been fixed now.

Also, I'm glad you're enjoying.

Re: The Turning Fanfic comments

Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 8:35 pm
by Lukipela
Condensing works quite well I think, although now you have a bunch of empty posts in the middle. The latest chapter is a bit confusing, but I suppose the backstory becomes clearer with time.

Re: The Turning Fanfic comments

Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 8:42 pm
by kingschosen
Lukipela wrote:Condensing works quite well I think, although now you have a bunch of empty posts in the middle. The latest chapter is a bit confusing, but I suppose the backstory becomes clearer with time.
Yeah, not really sure what to do with the empty posts.

And, could you please tell me how I could be less confusing? I mean, what is confusing about it? I want things to be clear *enough*.

Re: The Turning Fanfic comments

Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 8:47 pm
by Lukipela
I think it's just that in the two last chapters you name and factdrop a bit. It's not problematic, but you will have to follow up at some stage with a bit more detail. you've now established that the Keeper is a freak,that something bad happened to humanity and that the Durreaux are super-intelligent. But other than that, we don't know the characters very well, or the races (if we haven't cheated by reading your threads).

I'm sure as we go further and the characters get definition it'll be fine, but at the moment I feel like I'm left hanging a bit, if that makes sense.

Re: The Turning Fanfic comments

Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 9:04 pm
by kingschosen
Lukipela wrote:I think it's just that in the two last chapters you name and factdrop a bit. It's not problematic, but you will have to follow up at some stage with a bit more detail. you've now established that the Keeper is a freak,that something bad happened to humanity and that the Durreaux are super-intelligent. But other than that, we don't know the characters very well, or the races (if we haven't cheated by reading your threads).

I'm sure as we go further and the characters get definition it'll be fine, but at the moment I feel like I'm left hanging a bit, if that makes sense.
It makes perfect sense.

But, I guess the real questions are: Does it make you want to read more?

Or

Is it just annoying to have scraps of info thrown at you?

Re: The Turning Fanfic comments

Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 9:23 pm
by Lukipela
For me? It makes me want to read more. But if I didn't know any of the backstory you've presented elsewhere I think I'd be 70/30 in favour of continuing. But that's a personal thing as well, I generally like some backstory as soon as possible. Not everyone feels the same way.

Re: The Turning Fanfic comments

Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 1:38 am
by kingschosen
What do you think of the new addition?

Re: The Turning Fanfic comments

Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2011 7:37 pm
by Lukipela
Is "implicit trust" really used in the right way there?

I'm liking the character gallery that is starting to develop, though it's early days ye of course. They give off a certain rag-tag do as they please feel. I do think you've made the League into some pretty harsh psychopaths though. Maybe a bit too harsh?

Re: The Turning Fanfic comments

Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2011 10:46 pm
by Draxas
This is why you never put humans in charge of anything. All that power goes to their heads pretty quickly.